In a Persian home, the question is never whether you would like tea. The tea arrives, and the conversation begins around it. To understand Persian hospitality, start with the glass that is put in front of every guest.
A drink that became a habit
Tea, چای (chây), feels as if it has always been part of Iranian life, but it is a fairly recent arrival. For centuries the common hot drink was coffee, which is why a traditional teahouse is still called a قهوهخانه (ghahve-khâne), a "coffee house". Tea spread widely in the nineteenth century, and around 1900 tea plants were brought from India and cultivated in the green, rainy province of Gilân on the Caspian Sea. The town of Lâhijân is still the centre of Iranian tea growing.
Today tea is drunk at breakfast, after every meal, at work, in shops while a customer makes up their mind, and at any hour when someone drops in.
How it is made and served
Persian tea is black tea, brewed strong in a small pot that sits on top of a kettle or a samovar, where the steam keeps it hot. Each glass is filled partly from the pot and topped up with hot water, so that every person can have it as strong or as light as they like.
- The glass. Tea is served in a small, clear glass, traditionally a narrow-waisted one called an استکان (estekân), on a saucer. The glass matters because the colour matters: a good tea is a clear reddish amber.
- Strong or light. You may be asked whether you want it por-rang, "full colour", or kam-rang, "little colour". Say kam-rang if you are not used to strong tea.
- Fresh. Tea should be tâze-dam, freshly brewed. Offering a guest tea that has been standing is something a careful host avoids.
- Flavours. A few cardamom pods, a pinch of dried rose petals, a stick of cinnamon or a little saffron may be added to the pot.
Sugar the Persian way
Sugar is rarely stirred into the glass. Instead there is a bowl of قند (ghand), hard sugar cubes. You put a cube between your front teeth or on your tongue and sip the hot tea through it, so that it melts slowly as you drink. It takes a little practice and is worth learning.
The alternatives are part of the pleasure:
- Nabât (نبات): golden rock sugar, often flavoured with saffron and sometimes grown on a small stick that is stirred into the tea. It is also the standard home remedy for an upset stomach.
- Dates, especially soft dark ones, eaten with tea in place of sugar.
- Raisins and dried mulberries (توت خشک, tut-e khoshk), a traditional and less sweet companion.
The guest is a friend of God
There is a Persian saying, مهمان حبیب خداست (mehmân habib-e khodâst): "the guest is the beloved of God". Hospitality, mehmân-navâzi, is treated as a matter of honour. A visitor, even an unexpected one, is given the best seat and offered what the house has.
The usual order is tea first, then fruit, then sweets or nuts, and more tea. A bowl of fruit with small plates and knives is placed in front of the guests, and the host will often peel and slice a cucumber or an orange and hand it to you. If the visit runs towards a mealtime, you will be pressed to stay and eat.
What to do as a guest
- Bring something small. A box of sweets or pastries, or flowers, is the usual gift. It will be received with the words zahmat keshidid, "you have gone to trouble".
- Take off your shoes at the door unless you are clearly told to keep them on. Most homes are carpeted, and slippers may be offered.
- Greet the eldest first, and stand up when an older person enters the room.
- Expect to be offered things more than once. Declining politely the first time and accepting the second is the normal rhythm of taarof. If you truly do not want more, say thank you and place your hand lightly over your glass or plate.
- Praise the food. دستتون درد نکنه (dastetun dard nakone), "may your hands not hurt", is exactly the right thing to say to whoever cooked. The answer will be نوش جان (nush-e jân), "may it nourish your soul".
- Do not rush away after eating. Tea follows the meal, and leaving before it is a little abrupt.
Saying goodbye takes time
Leaving is a ritual of its own. The guest announces the intention to go; the host protests that it is still early. This is repeated at least once. The goodbyes continue in the hallway and often on the doorstep. The guest says زحمت دادیم (zahmat dâdim), "we have troubled you", and the host answers خواهش میکنم، خوش آمدید (khâhesh mikonam, khosh âmadid), "not at all, you were welcome". Allow ten minutes for it.
Tea outside the home
Traditional teahouses were for generations places where men met to talk, play backgammon, and listen to storytellers reciting the Shâhnâme. Modern cafés have taken over much of that role in the cities, but the offer of tea in a shop, an office or a workshop is unchanged. Accepting it is not an obligation to buy anything. It is simply how a conversation is opened.
Hospitality at a distance
Among Persian speakers abroad, the samovar may have been replaced by an electric kettle and the estekân by a mug, but the reflex is the same: someone arrives, and the kettle goes on. The habit even shows in how people talk online. In a Persian chat room a newcomer is greeted by several people at once, asked how they are more than once, and told خوش آمدی (khosh âmadi), "welcome". The typed phrase بفرما چای (befarmâ chây), "have some tea", is a small joke that everyone understands. It means: sit down, stay a while, you are among friends.